Looking at Mice

Mice found some food and nesting supplies in our garage a few years back, and took up residence there. The little mouse family grew awhile before we noticed, and it took a few weeks of strategic "trapping" to get rid of them. I don't want mice in the garage, and I am not against using force to get rid of them.

That said, they're really not hideous beasts. They are small, generally shy critters with soft fur and curious minds. Their bones are tiny and fragile. When they take up unwanted residence in the garage, they're just looking for a place to live, not being willfully destructive, bent on evil.

Such a message doesn't sell exterminator services, though, which is probably why the ad for a local exterminator included this:

The message? These creatures are like aliens with their weird names, bulging eyes, sharp facial features, and tails like a big snake. They'll eat lots of things -- they might even eat your children! And if they can't do that, they may poison or starve your whole family.

Good heavens. If we're willing to get this worked up about a deer mouse, it's no surprise when we see danger lurking in all sorts of pretty benign places.

Moments

I stood with my feet in the waves at the ocean shore early one morning a few months back. Colors of the sky shifted perceptibly as the sun rose over the horizon. I listened to the waves, and it was like hearing them through my rib cage. It was glorious. I closed my eyes and stretched, saving the experience.

Yesterday at The Gateway, children were playing in the fountain, mixing their delighted squeals with the music playing through the speakers as they leaped around in pursuit of the dancing waters. One little guy, maybe two years old, stood with eyes and mouth wide open in joyful amazement. Adults stood back from the water, watching the kids, taking photos, smiling, laughing. The atmosphere felt joyful.

And I noticed the flowers nearby. On this beautiful sunny day, I imagined them leaning back, stretching their faces toward the sky with so many arms stretched out, soaking in the moment.

Communication Matters

I looked into learning biblical Greek awhile back. Probably not to become a scholar of the language, but perhaps enough to have some basic conversation about it. My science background helped during the alphabet part because Greek letters are often used in physics and such. But I found myself annoyed by the little accent marks as we went just a bit further into the grammar. I wondered: are those really necessary? Can I get by without them?

That memory came to me recently when I saw a headline in the paper:

'It's been an absolute joy,' retiring judge says

Consider what happens with a tiny shift in punctuation:

'It's been an absolute joy retiring,' judge says

Yep, punctuation matters.

This reminds me of a bulletin in our church awhile back. A couple which had been quite involved there for many years was preparing to move. An announcement in the bulletin read "They're leaving!" An exclamation point suggests emotion, but which one? Is it angry, joyful, distraught, relieved, surprised? I couldn't help but think of a whole list of interpretations.

A friend recently posted a Facebook status update: "We're outta here!" I wanted to "like" the post because I was happy for them, then got distracted from that as I realized that such a response is linguistically ambiguous -- happiness about their vacation vs. having them gone.

Some of this is arguably silly, overly concerned with others' perceptions. Still, I can't help but think of some decidedly un-silly encounters, like when a friend was angry with me about something I'd said to another -- and the heart of my statement was significant misrepresented even while the quote was close enough to accurate. Or when another conversation became a little tense after (we figured out eventually) my friend interpreted a pronoun to refer to something nearly opposite of what I'd intended. Or when I felt thoroughly discouraged and hurt by a voicemail that sounded (in the context of my day) like an accusation, left by a friend who actually meant something very different.

"What you see and what you hear depends a great deal

on where you are standing...

[and] on what sort of person you are."

(C.S. Lewis in The Magicians Nephew)

Our perceptions are always shaded by previous experiences, ambiguities in language, situational knowledge, expectations, worldview, personalities, and more. I appreciate people who offer me the benefit of the doubt along with a plentiful portion of grace, especially when I've communicated poorly, and I want to be that kind of person for others, too.

I want to check my assumptions and my perceptions, to consider from others' perspectives both as I listen and as I speak, and to ask clarifying questions, because sometimes I am quite mistaken (or mistakable) even when communication seems abundantly clear.

Seeking Validation

There was an article in the local Tribune several weeks back about reactions people have posted online about the verdict in a heavily publicized case surrounding the death of a toddler. As the article noted, social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter have "provided a platform and a large audience for a decibel level of vitriol seldom seen before." So there is clearly plenty online already about the case, the verdict, and the reactions, and I don't feel a need to add to that.

What most caught my attention in the article is one woman who "said she felt comfortable sharing her outrage with others online. 'It was a convenient place to vent where I knew people would mostly feel the same way as I do.'"

I haven't included the woman's name here -- partly because I'm about to make a tiny leap that might not be true of her and it is unfair to do that without more information than I have, and partly because her name isn't relevant to the greater picture. This quote from her is just an example, a starting point, because from what I have seen in this situation and others, the sentiment she expressed -- a desire to express herself primarily to those with similar perspectives -- seems pretty common, especially online.

My question is this:  Why? The quote implies that she was seeking out people who would support her position. Why was that validation important to her and, more significantly, why is such behavior so common beyond this one person?

My fear is this:  We tend to seek uncritical validation of our own perspectives more than we create space for others to offer different perspectives, and by doing this we avoid the hard work required in both ideological and relational conflicts which may occur. We miss opportunities provided by healthy challenges to our thoughts, and we miss the deeper relationships which could form in the process.

Maybe differences of opinion seem like a threat to relationships. Maybe differences of opinion seem like a threat to identity. Maybe it feels necessary to persuade others, and to not do so feels like failure. Maybe we simply don't know how to have these conversations well, expressing developed thoughts and genuine feelings in ways that are respectful of both ourselves and others. Maybe it's some of these things together, or all of them, and more.

I don't know.

But whatever it is, my hope is that we as a culture will discover the need and develop the skills to engage honestly and respectfully with others rather than just seeking out people who will tell us we're right.

Lake Smell

With the warm summer weather here, we've got the swamp cooler going steadily now. It sometimes blows "the lake smell" into our home along with the cooling air. It is an odd odor, and distinctive. I've got friends who loathe the lake smell, but I rather enjoy it. Not so much the fishy weirdness, but the memories.

Photo by Eve Andersson

I taught for six years at a place just east of the Great Salt Lake. The job had its frustrations, but my colleagues were generally quite good to work with and I enjoyed the students. The lake smell was strongest during my favorite times of the year. It reminds me of sunshine, attractively simple landscaping, little egg fountains, birthday pies from Marie Callendar's, colleagues with similar appreciation for particular office supplies, and a variety of I-can't-believe-that-just-happened stories.

The lake smell reminds me of change -- in seasons, in knowledge, in understanding, in students and in myself. It reminds me that we're always in the process of becoming, and encourages me to choose well.

CPE Graduation

The annual CPE graduation ceremony took place in the chapel of the VA Medical Center this past Thursday. There were a total of fifteen graduates from the programs at the SLC VAMC and Alta View Medical Center. As an annual event, it was a celebration together of people who have completed the program during the past eight months. We were joined by family and friends, patients, staff and volunteers. I'd met quite a few along the way, and enjoyed visiting with them again. Presence of KSL, Deseret News, and a big cake also added to the atmosphere of commencement.

I served in the VA program, finishing up my year in November. It is a bit odd to have eight months between completion of requirements and the graduation itself, and good, too. This in-between time created space for pondering. November was very full. I was glad for opportunity to consider more deeply, beyond such rush.

John 13 tells the story of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples. Simon Peter questioned and resisted, then sought more than was offered. Jesus' correction is significant: Peter had been made clean already, and his need now was to be freshened up after the usual encounters of life. Jesus' instruction is significant, too: "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." I have been a recipient of much love and learning, and I am intent on sharing also with others.

As a graduate, I had a front-row seat, which was great for watching people and even taking some pictures...

As is typical in graduation ceremonies, there were platform people. Jeff Price is one of those. I haven't talked much with Jeff, but seeing him reminded me of one interaction in particular. It was a group setting, and the group was an interesting mix of engaged and distracted. Jeff was quiet and attentive throughout. When he spoke, it was apparent that he'd been listening through the surface, and he was both willing and able to speak to the deeper parts. I remember him for that, and am grateful both for his genuine presence and his example. It reminds me that one person, even just one interaction, can make a difference in the life of another, and I want to be attentive to those opportunities.

Chaplain Mark Allison is the CPE supervisor. Much like his leadership in the CPE process itself, Mark listened during the graduation quite a bit more than he talked. He is a gifted chaplain and skilled supervisor, and both are important. Even more, I found over time that I could trust his character, which is foundational. His example has taught me much about grace, hope, courage, and respect, in addition to helping me develop skills in ministry.

Four students spoke during the graduation. Each approached it a little differently, which reflected their individual personalities, backgrounds, and experiences. As I listened, it represented to me the uniqueness of each person in the program, in the hospitals, in our communities, in life. Every person has a story, and every person's story matters.

The traditional Blessing of Hands followed. Washing with water symbolizes purification; oil is symbolic of the Holy Spirit at work, healing, and an offering to God. As Chaplain Slade read the blessing, I thought of God's message to Abram in Genesis 12: "I will bless you... and you will be a blessing." As in John 13, God's blessings are wonderful gifts to be received and enjoyed, and it follows that others will benefit also from what God does in the life of each individual.

Rev. Esteban Montilla was a special guest in this graduation. Rev. Montilla is serving as President of CPSP, the organization which accredits the CPE programs at the SLC VAMC and Alta View Hospital. Rev. Montilla spent two days in Utah, watching, listening, speaking (more on that later), and otherwise engaging with a variety of people. I've had a few opportunities to interact with him, and see him serving well in leadership of a unique organization.

This being a graduation, the "now what?" question naturally comes up. What will we do next? Our stories moving forward from here will be as varied as they were before we started. I  look forward to seeing what God will do next.

You Want Me to Do What?

There is a tall sign next to the freeway just east of the I-84 exit into Burley, Idaho. It originally advertised a business, but has since been re-purposed. The body of the sign now has a different cover with these three words:

VOTE

CORRUPTION

OUT

For the record, I am not a fan of corruption. Let's just get that out of the way quickly. I don't propose replacing the message with one advocating increased corruption in elected officials. But this sign leaves me scratching my head. It seems to be intended as a sort of advertising, which by definition attempts to elicit a particular response from its viewers. It is also phrased as a command. My question: what does the sign-owner hope to accomplish by posting those three words in a huge font next to the freeway?

The desired action is abundantly unclear. How many people actually read it and think "Oh! Y'know, that's a new idea -- maybe corruption is undesirable, and we oughta try to get rid of it"? I'm guessing... not many.

And whatever "vote corruption out" means, I can't help but notice the negative tone. Why not instead propose that we "vote integrity in"? Still not precisely actionable, but it would suggest a more positive attitude and may be more persuasive as a result, simply by making the speaker a little more relate-able.

There is a strong political component to all this, of course. I'm not getting into that. What I am talking about is purpose. Political views aside, I am guessing that sign does not have the effect intended by its creator(s).

The purpose question is a good one in all sorts of interactions, not just roadside signs. Ultimately, what am I trying to accomplish, and is this course of action likely to get me there? The audience is worth considering, too. How can I communicate my thoughts in ways that make sense to this person where he/she is, rather than expecting this person to approach me from my own perspective?

Drive-Time Mulling

This was a good day for a long, quiet drive.  Good thing, because I was coming back from Nampa.  The 335 miles is just about perfect -- enough to allow thoughts to percolate, not so much that it drives me crazy.  On my mind today:

Focus

Influential people in my life

Building relationships

Significance of community

Planning special events

Camp memories

Hospitality

Significant interactions

Integrity

Communication

Tasks I need to complete

Things I'd like to learn

Foundations

Road trips

Questions

Developing relationships and sub-cultures

Sermon ideas

Policies and procedures

Priorities and values

Bangladesh

Concentric circles of ministry impact

Family

College memories

Truth

Structure and flexibility

It will certainly need to be sifted and sorted some more, but there is plenty of good stuff in here.  I appreciate the memories along the way, and look forward to seeing the plans take shape.

I'm glad to be home, and grateful for the space and time in between there and here.